Man Bait

A story in 10 parts

Part One:  Abigail

Abigail Sweet laid the petite fours on her Gran’s Burano lace doily. The graceful sweep of her arm only surpassed by the stunning offerings she had prepared.

‘Oh my!’ Scarlet gasped. ‘You really have surpassed yourself this time, must have taken you an age to prepare.’

‘Well, you know what I’m like,’ Abigail replied, looking over her shoulder while turning back toward the Kitchen with a wag of her hips and swish of her skirt.

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Abigail loved food, she loved opulence, she loved her friends company and she loved men. With her cherub shaped face, her full lips and twinkling eyes she looked like  and was dressed like a 1950’s suburban siren. She carried the weight of one and a half women and the curves on her curves were homely and soft.

(writers comment – yum!)

Abigail returned from the kitchen with a pot of percolated coffee. ‘Coffee, everyone?’ She asked.

Her friends all chiming back merrily with different forms and styles of affirmation.

These savories are delish Abi, is that cottage cheese I can taste?

Abigail looked up and smiled at her best friend Jane. ‘Sure is Jane, its infused with cream corn.’

Abigail loved her monthly gathering of friends. The last Sunday of the month was special and this Sunday’s gathering just happened to be at her house. She had designed, trialed and prepared her menu since the first Sunday of the month. Last week she had bought a new skirt and yesterday had her hair set.

She had known all of her girl friends since school and they had met once a month for the last three years. Despite their differences, their careers and families, their scholastic bond remained strong and alive.

Image result for girlfriends afternoon tea

Strictly no men were allowed at their gatherings! They had their golf, their football, cars, bars and sheds and the girls had their monthly afternoon teas. Abi was always amazed though how quickly their discussions turned to men.

The girls sharing stories of the their mens activities during the preceding month.Their triumphs, their failures, their bad manners and indiscretions. It was all laid bare, naked and raw. And the general consensus was that all men were bastards. But definitely worthy of conversation.

‘This food is so good,’ Jane added, ‘its absolutely positively man bait! So anyway, how did your date with JP go?

‘Yes, tell us,’ the other girls added, ‘tell us everything, the whole sordid story.’

‘What was he like in bed?’ Scarlet asked eagerly, ‘was he well packaged… I’m sure you know what I mean doll?

‘Scarlet!’ Paige interjected sharply, slapping Scarlet’s forearm gently, ‘we all know that that’s all you are interested in, but give Abi a chance.’

‘Well as you know Abi,’ started tentatively, ‘I’ve been chatting with JP online for some time. He was the one that stood out from all the other dick pickers and the drunk married guys wanting friends with benefits, or instant gratification.

Dick pickers? Asked Leonie.

The other girls laughed at Leonie’s innocence.

Yep, Dick Pickers, you know, the guys who send you pics of their dicks Leonie, Scarlet beamed.

‘Oh how gross,’ Leonie replied, nearly choking on her coffee.

‘Well moving right along ladies,’ Abi continued; ‘JP seemed the nicest of them all, so we went out on a date.’

‘So what was he like in real life? Was he what you expected?’ Jo asked raising her eye brows.

Abi smiled, ‘well girls why don’t you come and meet him yourself – I have him chained up in the basement.’

Hey, Van Heusen clothing ads can be sexist to men too

Stay tuned for the next exciting installment 

Kia Ora Roly

Time Flies

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We all have our own near death experience/s. Here’s mine.

Does your life flash before you eyes before you die?

For me, well yes it did. Five years ago I came within centimeters of being seriously hurt or dying in a single vehicle motor vehicle accident (due to to a mechanical fault). This short story is based upon the ‘what if’ scenario – a scenario where I was not so lucky, where my Van did end up cartwheeling into a ditch at 100km.


Fly rotated and tilted its bulbous head. It was looking at me.

I was too mangled to shoo or wave it away, in too much pain to really care.

‘Do you want to die?’ Fly asked.

‘Fuck Off,’ I spat.

‘You might linger for hours,…suffer unbearably,’ Fly suggested.

I grimaced, Fly was right, and I was sure too that if he had a mouth he would have been grinning.

‘Fuck Off,’ I spat again in desperation – ‘bastard,’ I screamed at him.

‘I can help,’ Fly proffered.’Tell me you want to end it, and I can make it happen.’

Tears welled. I started to cry, ‘go away leave me be.’

I knew I was done, I knew my  time was close, but I wasn’t ready to give it away just yet. I just wasn’t ready.

‘What would you give for more time?’ Fly asked, as if he could read my mind. ‘What would you give?’

Fly crawled over to the gaping bleeding wound on my lower arm. I tried to move my arm; tried to shake Fly off it. Neither my arm nor Fly moved.  My other arm was trapped under the steering column of the Van. I smelt iron and gasoline. The iron from my blood, the gas from the perforated petrol tank in the back of the Van. Completely uncontrolled I urinated. I prayed.

Fly looked up at me again.

‘I take time,’ Fly said matter of factly. ‘So I can take time now and end it for you so you won’t have to be burnt, go up in flames or bleed out. There’s nothing worse than dying alone, scared and in shock. What about it Big Fella?’

I closed my eyes, crusty blood crackling and cracking in the corners. My mouth gaped and quivered, ‘I don’t want to die,’ I sobbed silently.

‘You make me laugh.’ Fly scorned. You want more time, don’t you? They always do!

‘But you have no idea do you?

‘You just don’t know who I am do you? Fly chided derisively. ‘You see, I have oodles of time. I have acre’s of time, I have absolute bushels of the shit. And it is all time I have stolen from you. You want it back?…well sorry son you can’t have it!’

I’ve lived a bloody good life, picking up and squirreling away all the time you didn’t want. The time you threw away, the time you squandered, wasted and didn’t care about. Think about it Charley Horse, what would you give to get that time back now aye? I haven’t counted the time, but it must be months, even years worth.

All the times you wished time would pass quicker, all the times you wished the weekend or holidays would arrive early. All the times you sat down at your computer, watched porn and masturbated. All the times, you lay in bed too hung over to get up. All the times, ha ha ha, yes all the times!

‘You starting to get it now?’ Fly smirked.

‘You see I was there, I saw it all. I was that pesky fly who always hung around. I was that one! The dumb one who didn’t know it was winter, the persistent Fly that didn’t die despite the cubic litres of noxious gases you sprayed into the air. You used to say, ‘there was always one’ and you were right, there always was, and that was me!’

‘I picked up every small crumb of time, I sucked it all up, I hoovered and devoured every last second of it. And now you are crying you want it back – well fuck you buster!’

Fly then suddenly and unexpectedly flew off. A bright light filled my eyes, it seemed to penetrate every corner of my mind, illuminating the shaken hallways that led into my brain.

This one’s got a head injury but still breathing, I heard someone say.

Carpe Diem,’ I whispered, ‘carpe diem.’

Kia Ora Roly