From the annals of a grumpy old and lonely man – I give you:
Just checked into hotel at Monte Cristo – not a bad room – upgraded to a suite!
Check out my new wheels – sweet ride – man she goes
Kate and I going to Opera tonight to see Don Giovanni – best seats in house
Had dinner last night at Jamie Oliver’s – superb
Going out on the plonk tonight with you know who? Oh yes it is – the Rolster is back in town!
Can you believe it? Ran into Mel Gibson at the pub last night and Cate Blanchett at the swimming pool!
Omg – Lost 14 kg’s this week – wedding suit still doesn’t suit though – now its too big!
My life is so perfect and I’m so great that I know you all hate my guts – but bet you press like anyway!
How it really is:
I crashed the work car yesterday – do you think if I don’t tell anyone – I can get away with it?
I called out Erin’s name last night while making love to Kate – now I’m sleeping on the couch and she’s talking about bringing her mother over.
My fungal infection has come back with a vengeance -yuck smelly and itchy – flaky too
I ate so much last night that when I went to go to the toilet to throw up – I couldn’t get out of the chair and when I did I split my pants. Then when I bent over to inspect the damage – I accidentally farted.
Kate says unless I apologise for my behaviour last Saturday night she’s taking the kids and leaving me.
For the 3rd month in a row – I won’t make target and performance management is just around the corner.
My hemorrhoids are killing me, my backs about to go out and I have to go to the dentist next week (first time in 9 years)
My place absolutely reeks – as I keep forgetting to buy a rubbish bag. Can’t be arsed doing anything today – think I will sit around in my undies and waste time playing computer games.
My life is not perfect and neither am I – so the life you see on online in no way shape, or form resembles real life. Let’s be honest, it’s just a shallow veneer of all the good bits that I want you to see because I think they will make you jealous.
Look at me!
Sure, these bits are real – but not real life – its just a facia!