I shuffle slowly, head bowed. I stoop and lower my eyes as I enter the biggest Reconciliation Room on the planet – the World Wide Web.
‘Hello and Good Morning,’ I say.
There is no response.
I cross my ankles under the desk, I start slowly.
‘Forgive me for I have sinned, my last blog was over 2 weeks ago.
‘Since my last blog, I have been paying attention to real life matters such as work, family and health. And to my shame, I have actually enjoyed the time to myself and not feeling tied to the Internet, tied to statistics and the thankless pursuit of trying to peddle my book.’
As my words pour out, I feel bad.
Do you not wish to build presence my son?
Do you not understand that in order to attract readers you need to be active, you need to be consistent?
How can you expect to build likes and followers if you are not posting?
Do you think your book will just fly off the shelves by itself?
It’s a stinging rebuke and I feel even worse.
Here’s what you need to do my son.
‘To put you back on the right path, over the next 2 weeks, I want you to post 10 comments on other people’s blog’s. I want you to tweet 7 times and post 4 times on Word Press. And, finally, you must make another 3 friends on Facebook!’
I sigh, close my eyes. I know that is the right thing to do.
I am pleased the confessional screen is slid closed. I can’t be seen. I smile and cross my fingers this time.
I make my action of contrition.
‘My readers and followers, I’m sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to write, I have sinned against You, whom I should love above and beyond all things. I firmly intend, with the help of your grace, to sin no more and to avoid whatever leads me not to write. You readers and followers have suffered and sacrificed much for me. In you name please have mercy.’
There is silence.
Where is my absolution?
Surely there must be some?
Perhaps my absolution will come via likes and comments, through new followers -but this has never happened before?
‘The writing God works in mysterious ways my son – you have to have faith!’
‘Amen to that,’ I say, ‘ain’t that the truth!’
I adjust my sitting position, I do a spell and grammar check and am about to press publish when my daughter calls out.
‘Daddy, c’mon you promised me that we were going out today!’
Kate, my wife calls out to Maddie, almost before Maddie has finished her sentence.
‘Not before Daddy’s has shifted the wood into the shed. He’s been promising to do it for the last two weeks!’
I feel bad.
I’m pleased I crossed my fingers.
It’s a nice day out.
I press publish…